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May 29

<3

if there's just one piece of advice i can give you, it's this - when there's something you really want, fight for it, don't give up no matter how hopeless it seems. and when you've lost hope, ask yourself if 10 years from now, you're gonna wish you gave it just one more shot. because the best things in life, they don't come free <3

♥♥♥

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January 13

warning...|͇̿̿t͇̿h͇̿̿e͇͇͇̿̿a͇͇̿̿̿|

Before you make that first cut, remember--
You will find the blood and pain release addictive.
Even though you think you can make a few tiny cuts that aren't deep and will heal easily--
They will get deeper.
They will scar.
They will take sometimes months to heal.
And years for the scars to fade.
If you think you can limit the cutting to one area of your body think again.
It will spread when you run out of skin.
Be prepared to withdraw from others and live in a constant state of shame.
Even if you are the most honest person ever to live--
You will find yourself lying to the people you love.
You will jerk back from your friends when they touch you as if their hands were dipped in poison.
You will be terrified that they will feel something under the cloth of your shirt or because it just plain hurts so much to be touched.
Be prepared to get so out of control you fear your next cut because you don't know how bad it will be.
Just wait for 10 cuts to turn into 100.
Be prepared for your entire life to revolve around thinking about cutting--
Cutting and covering up cutting.
And just wait till that first time you cut "too deep."
And you freak out because the blood won't stop...
And you are gasping...
And you feel yourself shaking all over.
You are having a panic attack and you are terrified but you can`t tell anyone.
So you sit there alone...
Praying it will be okay--
Swearing you'll never let it go this far again...
But you will, and further....
Don't worry, you will learn how to take care of your cuts so that you can go deeper and deeper and avoid the ER.
And the better you get at treating your cuts,
The deeper they get.
You will lie to yourself and justify it when you find youself spending 20, 30, or 50 dollars every time you go the pharmacy.
You will feel the flutter of your heartbeat everytime you go to the counter to ring up your order.
Butterfly strips--
3 or 4 different kinds of dressings...
Betadine...
Antibiotic cream...
Medical tape...
Scar reducers...
You will tap your foot impatiently hoping the line will just move and noone will stare at you or wonder why you need all these things.
And at the same time secretly hope someone will notice--
Someone who is standing in line with an armful of the same supplies.
Someone who understands--
But of course that never happens.
Medical supplies won't be the only thing you spend all your money on.
Be prepared to buy a new wardrobe--
Longsleeve shirts in summer colors, bracelets, wristbands, boots...
The list goes on and on.
You will start looking at everyone in a different way.
Scanning their bodies for any signs of SI.
Just hoping that you might meet someone like you so you don't feel so terribly alone.
You wont even think about it,
As your eyes scan their wrists arms.
Hoping, just hoping they will be like you.
But they are not.
You will see their clean arms and feel terribly ashamed and alone.
You will start doing a lot of things alone.
You will always have to wash your laundry in private so no one sees the blood stains on your clothes and towels.
You will always be cleaning up the blood.
Scrubbing your bathroom floor.
Wiping the blood off your keyboard.
You won't be able to make it through a day without cutting.
Next thing you know you are in a public bathroom somewhere breaking open a scab with a sewing needle that you keep in your wallet for emergencies.
When you get really desperate,
Anything will be a cutting tool...
Scissors...a car key...a needle...a paperclip...even a pen.
Doesn't matter what it is if you need to cut bad enough you will find something.
Say goodbye to things you took for granted.
Like wearing shorts or sandals...pedicures...sleeveless tops.
A normal summer day at the beach or in a swimming pool will become a far off memory for you.
Get ready to itch.
Because you will itch and itch.
So much you will look like you have fleas or a skin disease.
You will become an expert on your body as you destroy it carefully.
You will dream about cutting.
You will dream about being exposed.
It will haunt you day and night and take over your life.
You will wish you never made that first cut because while you absolutely hate cutting--
At the same time you love it and can not live without.

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December 13

GivingUp*

I used to make the light shine for you. the sun has left my sky. velvet walls surround my sorrows. I`ve sacrificed my pride. you`re giving up on me. I`ve cried myself to sleep tonight. I know you`ve played out everything in your mind. && now you throw it all away. a shattered memory that you would stay, through thick & thin with me. you`re giving up on me. && when you feel the pain, I`m wishing I could stay. how can I say I love you back, you never made me happy. you cry yourself to sleep, I never said this wouldn`t hurt. you gave up everything; I never said I`d give it back. I know you`ll never change; I won`t be good enough for you. I know, you`ll make it through, I`ll never be around to see.

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October 08

movin` on . . .

Life Hope Truth Trust Faith Pride Love Lust Pain Hate Lies Guilt Laugh Cry Live Die

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September 05

black dresses

In muddy grass we stand side by side. With our knuckles interlocked. Black dresses flood the cemetery. In this cliché tragedy . Just do as you're instructed and.... Take this razor and cut your palms, I'll do the same until a river of crimson begins to flow, Now drip your ruby red over the casket, A funeral for my once loved youth. My secret is fatally gorgeous, I'd die for you, but in this Bonnie and Clyde kind of romance, Tell me what would you do? My secret is fatally gorgeous, I'd die for you, but when your precious life is at stake, tell me would you die for me too? The quivering liquids in your stomach
Will eat away at the bad habits that have made you a real character in the story of your now distant life. Goodnight and goodbye, quickly. In gentle greens we stand side by side, with your head buried in my chest. Black veils send me shivering, the fear that part of me is dying. Just do as you're instructed and.... Take this razor and cut your palms, I'll do the same until a river of crimson begins to flow. Now drip your ruby red over the casket. A funeral for my once loved youth. My secret is fatally gorgeous, I'd die for you, but in this Bonnie and Clyde kind of romance, tell me what would you do? My secret is fatally gorgeous, I'd die for you, But when your precious life is at stake, tell me would you die for me too? The quivering liquids in your stomach, will eat away at the bad habits that have made you. A real character in the story of your now distant life. Goodnight and goodbye, quickly, quickly. Goodbyes are said and roses thrown & the crowd starts to weep. But the irony of the story is when I fell to my knees & began clawing at the dirt in front of the tombstone of my bashful childhood with you by my side, you're screaming at the top of your lungs, "let it go" & I'm screaming at the top of my lungs "The ceremony was not proper, there was not enough people, & who picked the music? Those melodies almost made me physically sick" My secret is fatally gorgeous, I'd die for you, but in this Bonnie and Clyde kind of romance, tell me what would you do? My secret is fatally gorgeous, I'd die for you, but when your precious life is at stake, tell me would you die for me too? The quivering liquids in your stomach will eat away at the bad habits that have made you A real character in the story of your now distant life goodnight and goodbye, quickly, goodnight and goodbye, quickly.

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June 16

q u o t e s.

♥All The Times We Had Together and As Our Lives Change From Whatever We Will Still Be B e s t F r i e n d s F o r e v e r.

One day you'll ask me whats more important, me or life, and I'll say life and you'll walk away not knowing you are my life. <3

Flip Flops, Belly Tops, Lemonade In The Shade, Blue Skies, Hot Guys, Late Nights, Water Fights, Ice Cream, Sweet Dreams, Sleeping In, Sneaking Out, Thats What Girls Are All About.

They say a picture is worth a thousand words, but when I looked at yours, I couldn't say anything.

From A to Z all that really matters is U and I.

Always wear cute pajamas to bed, you never know who you'll see in your dreams.

I wrote yoru name in the sand but the waves washed it away. I wrote your name on my hand but I washed it the next day. I wrote your name on a paper but I accidentally threw it away. I wrote your name on my heart and forever it will stay.

Somewhere there's someone who dreams of your smile,

and finds in your presence that life is worth while.

So when you are lonely, remember its true.

Somebody somewhere is thinking of you.

You came into my life sent down from heaven. Now I think about you 24/7

Have you ever noticed 'mental' starts with 'men'?

A memory lasts forever. Never does it die. True friends stay together and never say Good Bye

I'm threw with guys, they all tell lies, they break your heart and make you cry, loving guys is such a sin, hey check that guy that just walked in.

♥

Love Thea

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I'm a fake__

small , simple, safe price, rise awake & carry me with all of my regrets. This is not a small cut that scabs & dries & flakes & heals & I'm not afraid to die. I'm not afraid to bleed & fuck & fight. I want the pain of payment. Whats left but a section of pigmy size cuts. much like a slew of a thousand unwanted fucks. would you be my little cut? would you be my thousand fucks? & make mark leaving space for the guilt to be liquid. to fill & spill over & under my thoughts. My sad sorry cry out from the cutter. I'm cutting trying to picture your black broken heart. love is not like anything. especially a fucking knife.